What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger
by HBIC-Santana
Summary: Santana and Sam deal with life as teen parents to a special needs child. This is a sequel to "My Life Would Suck Without You" but I don't think you need to read that to read this.


a/n: Here's the first chapter of the sequel finally. I hadn't given up, I'm just a busy person but I keep my promises eventually. I hope you enjoy! If you read "MLWSWY", thanks for sticking with me. If you're just joining me, welcome! I don't think you need to read that to read this. Basically, Sam and Santana gave birth to a special needs child during "The First Time", and this is where the story picks up.

The new family lay on the bed in silence, Gabi carefully snuggled up on Santana's chest, and Santana tucked up against Sam's side. The only noise to be heard was the gentle snuffling of the tiny perfectly pink bundle, and the occasional sound of gentle kisses being placed on her forehead. It was peaceful and they could pretend things were okay, if only for a little while. Before they knew it, Father O'Brien was knocking on her hospital room door with a bible and a vial of holy water, ready to baptize their daughter. Santana was hesitant to hand the baby over, as she knew that once she was baptized, she'd be prepped for surgery, and they would have to start dealing with the seriousness of it all. Their first night had gone by way too quickly. After Santana had been stitched up, and Gabi had been checked out, the families got to see her briefly before they returned to the waiting room. Santana's parents, as well as Sam's mom stayed, while his dad had to take Stacey and Stevie home, but none of them slept. Sam changed the first diaper, as the new mother's hands were too shaky, and then they took turns holding her and watching her sleep for the few short hours they had before they welcomed a day that none of them were ready for. At one point she woke up and whimpered as she pushed her lips out and gently nuzzled Santana's chest. The new parents laughed at the adorableness until the realized what she was doing. She was hungry, but wasn't allowed to eat so close to her surgery time. That broke Santana's heart, but Sam took the baby in his arms and gently rocked her until she stopped.

Santana sat up and stretched the muscles in her back as she noticed how quickly the darkness outside was being replaced with the most fantastic magentas and oranges, and she quietly cursed as she saw the tiniest hint of light blue peaking through the clouds beyond that. Never had a sunrise seemed so ugly, so cruel. Not even when she was a Cheerio and Sue made them run winds sprints every morning until they puked, or when her dad woke her up at ungodly hours during the summer to volunteer at the hospital. Birds were landing on the tree just outside the window, carelessly bouncing from branch to branch, and although she couldn't hear it through the windows that were permanently sealed shut, trapping in the nauseating odors of death, disease, and rubbing alcohol; she knew they were singing happily. She didn't know how anyone or anything could be so carefree, especially at a place like this, and wondered if she ever would be again.

She gasped and clenched her fists as the priest took the baby in his arms, and tried to ignore the overwhelming sense of dread that was building inside of her, threatening to bubble over at any moment. It's not that she didn't trust him, he was actually one of the few people she did trust, but Gabi was so fragile. Santana was a bitch, she knew this, but she was also fiercely proctective of those she cared about. Now that she had a child, her mama bear instincts really came out, and the protective feelings she had for Brittany and Sam were _nothing_ compared to how she felt about Gabi. She silently reminded herself that he had held lots of babies, more than she ever had, and that he wasn't going to hurt the child, as she exhaled and relaxed her fists and released the cheek that she hadn't realized she was biting. Sam ran to get their parents, and the baptism and prayers began. Santana tried to be present, as she knew that the tiny child could benefit from all their prayers and good wishes, but if was being honest, all she could focus on was getting her back. After nine months of growing her and keeping her safe and warm, and a few hours of cuddling her in her arms, she felt completely _naked_ without her.

"Mija, they're ready for her," her father said quietly. She almost didn't hear him, but maybe that's because she didn't want to. Although he was trying to be strong, he sounded so vulnerable, so scared, so unlike the man she knew.

"No," she sniffed, and cautiously but deliberately turned away, "I'm not ready."

"Mija, it's time," he explained gently, "she needs this".

Santana held the baby closer to her and her entire body wracked with sobs until she felt two strong arms around her. It was Sam, and he gingerly coaxed Gabi into his arms.

"Hi princess," he whispered. "These nice people are going to take you for a little nap, and when you wake up, your back is going to be a little sore. But they're going to help you get better, and mommy and daddy are going to be right here. We're not going anywhere," he explained, mostly for Santana's assurance and his own, as even he realized the newborn most likely had no idea what he was saying. "You're going to be just fine. You're such a brave little girl, and we're so proud of you," he sniffed as he stroked the baby's tiny hand and then kissed Santana's cheek. "Your mommy and I love you so much, and you're going to be just fine." He shifted her over to Santana for one last kiss, and then handed her over to a nurse. She was clad in full scrubs, with a mask and a surgical cap and Sam could only see her eyes. But they conveyed warmth and wisdom and confidence and he was able to relax slightly. He grabbed Santana's hand as they watched the team of doctors and nurses disappear through the double doors with their most prized possession. It took all Santana had not to scream at the unfairness of the whole situation.

The families sat there in silence for a while before Cece sighed and checked her watch. "Mija, why don't you get some rest? Visiting hours start soon and I know your friends are itching to see you. Brittany has called me three times already," she chuckled lightly.

Santana smiled at that, she wanted to see her friends too, and hoped that they would be able to provide a bit of a distraction. "I don't think I could sleep at a time like this, not until I know that Gabi is okay," she sighed, and then grimaced as she ran a hand through her greasy, tangled hair. After the birth, she'd opted for just a quick sponge bath, knowing that she only had a few hours with her daughter before the surgery, and wanting to spend every moment with her, _just in case_. "I could go for a shower though."

The shower felt amazing, and it was a bit of a distraction until she reached down to wash her still swollen but squishy and very empty belly. Her hands seemed to freeze, unable to move, and her lip started to quiver as she was reminded of her daughter who should have been in her arms, but instead was on a cold operating table. Sam recognized the panic, and instantly stepped in, grabbing the sponge to gently help her get cleaned up. As thankful as she was that he was there to help, she felt incredibly self-conscious, even ugly. Nine months ago, she had been the undisputed hottest bitch in the school, even Quinn couldn't deny that. Now though, her belly resembled that nasty whole wheat pizza dough that Rachel Berry was so fond of. Sam couldn't have been nicer about it. He didn't stare, and he made no indication that he was disgusted with her. He was the perfect gentleman, until he made a pervy comment about her rack. Although it physically hurt, Santana laughed while she cried. It was just what they needed at the moment.

He helped her into a pair of sweats and put her hair in a loose ponytail and into a freshly changed bed, just moments before they were interrupted by a knock on the door. It was the entire Glee club, along with Mr. Schue, Miss Pillsbury and an assortment of balloons, flowers, and stuffed animals. One by one, they lined up by her bed to give the new parents a hug. Rachel placed a tray in front of Santana and handed her a warm thermos.

"Vegan chicken soup," she announced cheerfully. "I added extra tofu for protein, and herbs that promote healing and lactation, and Spirulina for iron," she explained. Santana had no idea what the hell "vegan chicken" was, and she really wished Rachel would stop talking about anything related to her boobs in front of the Glee club, but she was exhausted and suddenly realized she was starving, so she let it slide. She emptied half of the contents of the thermos in just a few gulps, mostly because she would rather not actually spend too much time tasting the soup; before she slammed it down on her tray and stared at Blaine and Kurt, her signature smirk gracing her face. _Holy sweet hell_.

"What?" Kurt finally asked. "Santana you're being really creepy right now."

"You two totally did it," she said matter-of-factly. Everyone turned to look at them as Kurt turned a particular shade of red that Santana hadn't seen before and Blaine started to stutter in an attempt to deny it.

"Please, don't bother. I know that look. I have awesome radar for this type of thing, it's like a gift. And don't look so pleased with yourself, Finnocence," she said to the taller boy who was grinning like a doofus at his step-brother's embarrassment. "Frankly, you and Berry are giving off those vibes too…" she started, before she picked up the thermos to take another gulp. Childbirth had apparently left her famished. "I hope you wrapped that thing because giving birth hurts enough as it is, and I'd imagine trying to push out your kid would probably kill her."

"I can't believe you did it naturally," Quinn remarked, shaking her head slightly at the memory of giving birth.

"Excuse me, are you saying I'm a wuss?" Santana scoffed. "Oh, who am I kidding. It hurt like a bitch, I_ begged _for an epidural. But really, back to the subject at hand, who _am_ I kidding? There's no way Rachel let Frankenteen into her granny panties. I must be losing my touch".

"Anyways, who wants to see Gabi?" Sam finally said after a few awkward moments, as he reached for his iphone. They all gathered around him, eager to see the newest little member of their unconventional, eclectic little Glee family. Santana discreetly wiped the tears that she couldn't stop from falling as she watched them gush over her daughter and try to figure out whose lips she'd inherited. She hoped no one noticed, she rather liked her badass persona, but she was beyond proud. She'd created a pretty badass kid.

The group stayed for a few more hours, Santana wasn't really sure how long it was, it seemed like forever. They tried to keep the new parents entertained, but their minds kept going back to Gabi. They knew it was sometime in the afternoon by now, as Mr. Schue had brought them all lunch from the cafeteria. Santana couldn't eat it, she was sure the cooks got paid extra if their food made people sick. Fortunately for her, Miss Pillsbury also refused to eat hospital food, and shared half of the pb&j she kept in her purse. It seemed like it had been forever since the child was taken away, they should have heard something by now.

Finally, Dr. Lopez returned and announced that the surgery was almost done and that the surgeon would be up to talk to them as soon as it was over. The group quickly said their goodbyes for the day, as many of them were cheerleaders and football players and had to get ready for the big game anyways, and Dr. Lopez went to get his wife and Sam's parents so they could all be there for the update on Gabi.

"Hey, it's okay," Sam said, wrapping his arms around Santana, trying to soothe his once again, visibly upset girlfriend. "You heard your dad, the surgery is almost over, it's the most dangerous part, she's going to be okay."

"No," it's not that, "Santana shrieked in between sobs. "I mean, I am worried, I've been worried all day, I've been worried for months now. But it's just that I'm sorry."

"Babe, you have nothing to be sorry for, Gabi is going to be fine, she's going to have a great life, and none of this is your fault."

"I'm sorry I…. made you….. miss your ….game," she managed to get out. She was becoming borderline hysterical at the realization. It was his one chance to impress the recruiter, and she had to go into labor and ruin it for him, for Gabi. She loved Sam, but she knew that he probably wouldn't even be accepted to any colleges based on his grades. Football was his only chance. He may not have been good enough for a football career, but he may have been good enough to play in college, or at least get into college and she knew how much better off their family would be if he had a degree. She would have her pick of colleges, based on her grades, but she had to face facts. She was a teen mother now, and most of the parenting responsibilities would fall on her. It was just how it was, she may have to put off her degree, possibly for years, so it was really important that Sam got this chance, and she blew it.

"It's fine," Sam assured her as he kissed her temple.

"No, it's not, I ruined your chance," Santana cried.

"It is, Beiste texted me and told me that Cooter would come to another game after I told her we had the baby," he explained. "They seem really close, I'm pretty _they're _totally doing it," he admitted.

"Cooter and the Beiste?" Santana snorted. "No way."

"I'm dead serious," Sam insisted, "you're definitely losing your touch, the other day they were flirting over a pair of tube socks".

"Gross. I can't even picture that, not that I want to. And I was pretty sure Beiste…," she started but was interrupted when Dr. McClain and Dr. Wu returned along with Gabi's grandparents.

Once everyone was seated, Dr. McClain removed his surgical cap and ran his fingers through his hair as he exhaled. Santana nervously chewed at her lip while Sam tapped on the bedside tray. Finally the neurosurgeon cracked a slight smile and began to speak.

"She's out of surgery. Being under anesthesia is the most dangerous part, especially for a patient her size, so that's over. We closed her spine, and that couldn't have gone better, so we then placed a shunt in her brain, as it became apparent that she would need one. We are confident that we placed it early enough that the Hydrocephalus caused very little damage. She's starting to wake up and they are monitoring her in the NICU. She's not out of the woods yet, but we're cautiously optimistic," he explained. "Do you have any que….?" He started but was immediately interrupted by the nervous young mother.

"When can I see her?"

"Tomorrow if you are feeling up to it," he said cheerfully, as if that would be good enough for her.

"I'm feeling up to it right now," she stated, doing her best to sit up straight and pretend that she was feeling well rested and strong. She tried not to wince as she felt a muscle she didn't even know she had being pulled deep within her abdomen.

"Ms. Lopez, your body has just been through a major ordeal. I encourage you to get some rest, and I promise, you can see her first thing in the morning if all goes well."

"I said I'm fine, and I'd like to see my daughter," she said between gritted teeth.

"I'll have a nurse bring a wheelchair," he sighed as he looked at Dr. Lopez. He knew he was not going to win this one. "Just understand that you are doing this against medical advice."

"Thank you," Santana said with a satisfied smirk.

"And Ms. Lopez, there are a few things you should know about your daughter," he continued. "As you were told during your pregnancy, you will not be able to hold her for a few days as her back begins to heal. And I must warn you about her appearance. She has a large bandage covering most of her back, and her head is slightly swollen from the hydrocephalus and the surgery, but we expect that to go down. We also had to shave her head for her shunt placement. I know she had quite a bit of hair when she was born, but for now she is bald. There should be no problems with it growing back," he assured them, as he saw the panic on their faces. "The shunt will not be visible once it does. She also has an IV in her scalp to deliver fluids and pain medicine, as it's the best way to access veins. She is also on a respirator, but that is common for small infants after anesthesia. We are hopeful that her breathing will stabilize and we can take her off of it soon. And finally, she's on a feeding tube. She has to lie on her stomach for now, so she can't nurse or drink from a bottle like other babies yet."

"We understand," Sam said, as he gripped Santana's hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss it gently.

"Okay then, I'll go see about that wheelchair," he smiled weakly, and then left the room.

Waiting for the wheelchair seemed to be the longest part of the day, even longer than waiting for the surgery to be over. When in reality it was no more than twenty or thirty minutes. Santana nervously picked at her nail polish until it was gone, while Sam paced back and forth in front of her bed until Santana couldn't take it anymore.

"Will you stop," she snapped, and then took a deep breath. "I'm sorry,' she offered quietly. Gabi was his child too, and even though he had done a better job of acting "strong" than she had, he was just as nervous, and she understood that.

Just then, a nurse appeared, and Sam helped his girlfriend into the wheelchair. The ride to the NICU was quiet, except for the squeaking of the nurse's shoes on the vinyl floor with every step she took. It drove Santana nuts, and she clenched her fists as she became visibly agitated. Sam grabbed her right hand and they held onto each other the rest of the way. They stopped just outside the NICU, and tried to look in all the incubators to see which one held their daughter as the nurse swiped her card at the door. She led them into another room and they were shown how to properly wash up, and were handed scrubs, surgical gloves, and masks. Finally, they were brought to the very last incubator in the far corner. Gabi was covered in wires and tubes and bandages and her bald head was indeed swollen, but they didn't notice. All they saw was their daughter, their strong, beautiful little Gabi, and that's all they needed. They knew that she'd get through whatever was thrown at her. She was going to be okay, she just had to be.

a/n: please let me know what you thought! It's been so long since I've written anything.


End file.
